My name is Nurul Azreen. It's Arabic so it means something.
Nur means 'light' (not as in weight but as in at the end of the tunnel kinda light). Al means 'the'. Azreen means 'courage'.
The fact that I once managed to score a '0' for my Arabic test (much to the chagrin of my Arabic teacher and an endless source of fun for my friends and family) is probably testimony enough for the fact my grasp of the intricate grammar of the Arabic language is very poor. Hence, I am not sure whether my name means The Light of Courage, as Mr First Boyfriend had once addressed a love letter to my home address (how's the wife doing, luv?), or if it means Light of the Courage or Light of the Courageous Ones.
I have been called brave many times, although I think that was also people being polite when they thought I was being foolhardy. I think in most cases, I am more of the latter but really, to be foolhardy, you need courage. You need to know that things would probably screw up and you should be able to handle it all.
I usually have no problem taking responsibility for my actions. If I think I'm right, I would say so. If I think I'm wrong, then I have no problem owning up and apologize. If I'm in a rather hairy situation of which I think I am being ill-treated, then I will make sure that I get to say what I need to say and then people can make up their minds. Some people describe this action as bravery, for me, it's just about being fair.
I like to think that I am a pretty independent person, a trait that has probably attracted previous boyfriends but at a later stage was definitely an issue (applicable to all relationships I've ever had). I personally disdain any kind of authority and I always treat rules, regulations, and laws more like suggestions of how to act rather than mandatory. This means that I am always in some kind of trouble. But because I'm an incurable optimist, I believe things will always work out in the end.
This is a very self-indulgent post, I realize, but since my life is being toyed with by a higher authority, I need to reassure myself that I do have the courage and strength to fight for it. And also to remind myself that although I have to do most of it on my own, I am never alone in the sense that I have people that care about me. And for that, I am grateful.
Maybe it doesn't matter whether it means The Light of Courage or Light of the Courageous Ones. For all I care it has Light and it has Courage in it, and it's a comforting thought that I can draw strength from my own name.
Thank you Mama and Ayah for giving me a nice name =)
-------
I feel like writing about change now.
I am one of those people who thrive on change. I am crazy about change. As soon as I'm comfortable with something, I would start yearning for change. Maybe it's the excitement that draws me to it, the fact that I don't really know what's going to happen exactly. I am such an adrenaline junkie when it comes to change.
People change. Whether they like to admit it or not, they do. I know I've changed in certain aspects. It's rather silly to quote things that I've said 5 years ago and still hold me against it now if I feel differently about it now, as I've changed. Maybe for some people it's a sign of inconsistency, but really, you should've evolved from who you were when you were 18.
I believe that we are responsible for our own life and we are the only person that can change it. This thing about changing another person is bull, because you can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed. Trust me, been there, done that. Change must come from within, or it happens gradually over time because of events and circumstances. I once had the ambition to change people. Needless to say, it was a futile endeavour. I realize now to say that wanting to change a person is a very patronizing thing to say. Perhaps we should just focus our energy at changing ourselves to be better.
I believe that we should all strive to be better. But we should do it on our own terms, according to our own needs and personalities. We shouldn't do it according to the terms of others, as it rarely works. It's ok to seek help, but to leave it all to other people doesn't work.
What do I want to change about myself? Well, I want to have a better control of my temper, I want to be a more tactful communicator, and I want to be more confident in general. I also want to be more truthful to myself and address my personal issues properly. Even if I need to seek professional help then so be it. It's about time I admit I'm crazy.
The only thing that doesn't change is change. It's the only constant thing we can rely upon.
So embrace it.
Nur means 'light' (not as in weight but as in at the end of the tunnel kinda light). Al means 'the'. Azreen means 'courage'.
The fact that I once managed to score a '0' for my Arabic test (much to the chagrin of my Arabic teacher and an endless source of fun for my friends and family) is probably testimony enough for the fact my grasp of the intricate grammar of the Arabic language is very poor. Hence, I am not sure whether my name means The Light of Courage, as Mr First Boyfriend had once addressed a love letter to my home address (how's the wife doing, luv?), or if it means Light of the Courage or Light of the Courageous Ones.
I have been called brave many times, although I think that was also people being polite when they thought I was being foolhardy. I think in most cases, I am more of the latter but really, to be foolhardy, you need courage. You need to know that things would probably screw up and you should be able to handle it all.
I usually have no problem taking responsibility for my actions. If I think I'm right, I would say so. If I think I'm wrong, then I have no problem owning up and apologize. If I'm in a rather hairy situation of which I think I am being ill-treated, then I will make sure that I get to say what I need to say and then people can make up their minds. Some people describe this action as bravery, for me, it's just about being fair.
I like to think that I am a pretty independent person, a trait that has probably attracted previous boyfriends but at a later stage was definitely an issue (applicable to all relationships I've ever had). I personally disdain any kind of authority and I always treat rules, regulations, and laws more like suggestions of how to act rather than mandatory. This means that I am always in some kind of trouble. But because I'm an incurable optimist, I believe things will always work out in the end.
This is a very self-indulgent post, I realize, but since my life is being toyed with by a higher authority, I need to reassure myself that I do have the courage and strength to fight for it. And also to remind myself that although I have to do most of it on my own, I am never alone in the sense that I have people that care about me. And for that, I am grateful.
Maybe it doesn't matter whether it means The Light of Courage or Light of the Courageous Ones. For all I care it has Light and it has Courage in it, and it's a comforting thought that I can draw strength from my own name.
Thank you Mama and Ayah for giving me a nice name =)
-------
I feel like writing about change now.
I am one of those people who thrive on change. I am crazy about change. As soon as I'm comfortable with something, I would start yearning for change. Maybe it's the excitement that draws me to it, the fact that I don't really know what's going to happen exactly. I am such an adrenaline junkie when it comes to change.
People change. Whether they like to admit it or not, they do. I know I've changed in certain aspects. It's rather silly to quote things that I've said 5 years ago and still hold me against it now if I feel differently about it now, as I've changed. Maybe for some people it's a sign of inconsistency, but really, you should've evolved from who you were when you were 18.
I believe that we are responsible for our own life and we are the only person that can change it. This thing about changing another person is bull, because you can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed. Trust me, been there, done that. Change must come from within, or it happens gradually over time because of events and circumstances. I once had the ambition to change people. Needless to say, it was a futile endeavour. I realize now to say that wanting to change a person is a very patronizing thing to say. Perhaps we should just focus our energy at changing ourselves to be better.
I believe that we should all strive to be better. But we should do it on our own terms, according to our own needs and personalities. We shouldn't do it according to the terms of others, as it rarely works. It's ok to seek help, but to leave it all to other people doesn't work.
What do I want to change about myself? Well, I want to have a better control of my temper, I want to be a more tactful communicator, and I want to be more confident in general. I also want to be more truthful to myself and address my personal issues properly. Even if I need to seek professional help then so be it. It's about time I admit I'm crazy.
The only thing that doesn't change is change. It's the only constant thing we can rely upon.
So embrace it.
3 comments:
I agree, everyone must've had changed from the way that they were when they were 18, in some way or another. If not, they should worry.
And the other thing that you mentioned about changing people, so true. Most girls go into relationship thinking they could change the other person. I have been guilty of this in the past as well. People will never change unless they want to, and they might mislead you into thinking they've changed, but it doesn't prove anything, except that they became better liars, that's all.
I realised this is quite off topic (I know this post has nothing to do with relationships)but if more poeple think like this, ie stop thinking their lives would've been much better if they had better parents, the perfect guy, better children and start focusing on trying to be better kids, work on being Miss Right and being better parents, I'm sure their lives would improve.
Sorry I rambled. I tend to do that a lot.
Hey Magenta,
No problem. I always hijack your comment box anyways, hehe.
A lot of girls do that I agree. Some guys do that too.
I think that we should enter a relationship because we think we can be with the person for who he/she is at that time, not for who he/she was, or who he/she could be. It's unfair to judge a person based on the past, and the future is just so uncertain. The only thing happening is the present.
We must also accept that the person who we're with won't always be the same person in future. People change. When that happens, hopefully the love that we've nurtured together will be strong enough to withstand the test of time.
I didn't always know this. I've entered relationships for the wrong reasons, and in retrospect, this is what I've learned from my mistakes =)
As you can probably conclude now, I am pretty screwed, hence I am seriously considering professional help. I just realized that although I am pretty decent at identifying my mistakes, I am terrible at getting over events properly.
You know of any shrink in Malaysia I can use? I think I would prefer to speak Malay when I'm in therapy, hehe.
Haha unfortunately no, I only visited a shrink while I was in Germany and the language did prove to be a barrier.
Good luck searching for one in Malaysia, it shouldn't be that hard I think. Careful that you don't get too hooked with the meds if they provide you with some. I couldn't even hold a pen properly when I was on them.
Post a Comment